Baby Abigail

I swear the last couple of weeks have been WTF around Lae.  And then my boss's secretary brought in her new baby to the clinic to get a prescription* for bottles so that she can come back to work.

Little Abigail is precious and it was what I needed to jolt my from my growing cynicism.  She is ADORABLE! 

*Yes, you can get Xanax, Percocet, and Codeine over the counter, but must have a prescription to bottle feed.  Apparently, it has something to do with sterilization of bottles (or typical lack thereof). 

Bus Crash, Gunfire, Rocks Mar PNG Tour

The stadium area still looks like a post-war zone and I'm pretty sure it will stay that way until there's a "clean up" for some other sporting event.  I was able to snap a photo of the burnt vehicle yesterday morning:

Then Jen snapped this photo yesterday arvo (I saw it too, but kept driving by....quickly.)  Yes, the looting continues.... if there's anything salvagable, they will take it.  It's amazing how fast they can strip down a vehicle....

Anyway, here's a recap of the events from The Canberra Times:

"Bus Crash, Gunfire, Rocks Mar PNG Tour" - Two Canberra Raiders players were aboard the Prime Minister's XIII team bus that collided with a Papua New Guinea motorist on Saturday. Prop David Shillington and winger Blake Ferguson got a birds-eye view of PNG's ugly side when an alleged drunk driver attempted to pass the team bus up a hill after a training session. ''It was pretty bad, the poor fella smashed through the windscreen, there was blood everywhere,'' Shillington said after the team's 36-22 win against PNG yesterday. ''We were going up a hill, going around a corner and some bloke tried to overtake, swerved and hit another car and hit the front of our bus. It was pretty full-on.'' The man was arrested but no players were hurt. The drama continued yesterday with an estimated 25,000 PNG fans packing into the ground at Lae, which has an official capacity of 15,000. Gunfire could be heard outside the stadium as police battled to control about 7000 people who had missed out on a ticket. ''The gunshots weren't too bad, it was the rocks on the field that worried us more,'' PM's XIII captain Nathan Hindmarsh said. Read the rest of the story here.   

Getting Out of Dodge

This weekend I headed to Salamaua with my friend, Testicles Tess, and her family.  It was fabulous.  Her kids are first rate and I'm still bummed that her daughter was in Aussie when my girls were here.  Cassie and her daughter would have clicked immediately...both have that same "look at me, I'm adorable" sense of humor.

Anyway, we ate, we drank, we ate more.  It was great and I'm pretty sure were the only expats that overnighted out there.  Nearly everyone else in town went off to Goroka for Nori Kori (a touch footy comp).  It was quiet... except for our very, very loud music!  The 80s will live forever!!!

Sunday we went out for a short fishing trip and I caught a rainbow runner....a feisty little fella!  We weren't out long as it seems that the Testicle clan turns green on the sea and I wasn't one to wear out my welcome!

Anyway, we got back to the Yachty and had a beer.  All good.  Ran into someone there and he was watching the chaos...and heard gunfire already.... Um????   Oh yeah.....a team from Oz was in town (the Kangaroos?) and they were playing a team in Lae.

Left the Yachty and there were people EVERYWHERE!  It was more crowded than Lae during Morobe Show weekend.  The stadium was packed with people, outside the stadium was a sea of people, there were people climbed up on roofs, stacked up on the hillsides, climbed up on some scaffolding over the stadium, lining the roads, stacked up in the pack of utes, you name it - there were people EVERYWHERE.

There were also crowds mashing from one side to another - a sort of fighting, it appeared from the road.  There were a couple people running, as in not for fun but for escape.  There was also already a burnt vehicle at the bottom of "The Hill".  Um, only 4 pm and the game was still on.  Oh, sooo not good....

This is very blogworthy and photos would be fantastic, but as I surveyed the people that were EVERYWHERE and I double checked that my door was locked and windows rolled up all the way, a photo wasn't going to happen.  Occasionally, I do opt for safety first!  I went home, locked the doors and passed out.  There was NO way I was going back outside.

I did drive by there this morning and the burnt car was still there and the entire area was completely littered with garbage. I didn't see any dead bodies.  Then again, the police would have dumped them in the Botanical Gardens....

Haus Guests & My First Ever Turkey Dinner

A "certain person" from a "certain NGO" is unable to have sleepover haus guests, so while her "special friend" has been in town, they have been fornicating sleeping in the spare room.  Pushed the twin beds together and viola... instant love nest. 

We have earnestly tried to make a damage on the liqueur cabinet over these last few days.  I even baked Kahlua cupcakes with Kahlua buttercream frosting.  Insanely tasty.  My best ever baking success....

Anyway, at some point, we decided to go a little crazy and cook a turkey.  But first we must deal with the fact that we must eat this turkey Thursday night as "certain person's special friend" was flying out this morning.  This means we must defrost said turkey....

Now, I don't know about you, but I'm not a fan of food poisoning.  "Certain person" is a real doctor and if she says it's okay to defrost in the sink overnight, well, I'm going with it.... (Shhh... don't tell her I put it in the cooler after she went to bed and then put it back in the sink before she got up!) Anyway, it defrosted. 

No, none of us three have ever actually cooked a turkey, but we (1) had a cookbook with pictures, (2) had instructions on the plastic wrapper around it, (3) watched someone cook a turkey once... so we were prepared.  While "certain person" went to work, "certain person's special friend" and I went to the main market and two grocery stores to find stuff for side dishes. 

Anyway, back in the kitchen.... "Certain person's special friend" said we should wrap the turkey in bacon and I couldn't disagree.  Everything is better with bacon and butter.  All was good - all giblet pieces were removed (by him, not me) and our homemade stuffing concoction was shoved inside (again by him, not me).  Luckily, "certain person" got dropped off just in time from work for this part as I think he thoroughly enjoyed being elbow deep in turkey and then lusciously massaging it rubbing, as per the cookbooks instructions, with oil. 

We collectively decided in our infinite wisdom to cook the turkey at a lower temperature, but for a longer time because we all "heard" this was more yummy? Sure... in it goes... it's 1:30.  All good.  Pop the bird in the oven and the three of us were off to do errands.  (Yes, I took the day off for this adventure!)

Anyway, we come home... Let's baste the turkey!  Um, the oven is room temperature. Oops, did I forget to tell the haus meri to leave the oven on??!??!  Plan B, turn the oven up slightly higher and cook somewhere in the middle with the time.  Excellent to always have a Plan B.  Who wanted dinner at 6:30 anyway?  Let's make it closer to 7... Maybe 7:30....  Let's ponder side dishes while we go outside and drink a beer....

Back inside.  Time to baste.  Oven is back to room temperature.  Um, okay, oven back on.  Recalculate.  Oven turned up higher.  Dinner at 8.  Okay, still reasonable. 

Time to prep some side dishes....

(Side note:  I have issues. I can't cook, but I obsessively collect recipes that I want to try to make.  I have a book.  This book overfloweth.  Recipes are taped, glued, stuffed, folded.  Yeah, I said I have issues.) 

Anyway, we decided to take a crack at a few of these recipes... or modify them as you do for PNG.  Salad had the honey lime dressing, we made the "Greatest Ever Baked Pumpkin Recipe" (with couscous filling instead of rice and no cranberries in it - but we did buy a can for a side dish), Jonika's corn pudding dish that she modified from one of Nigella's books, and a bunch roasted veggies.  It was truly a culinary work of art as the three of us were in the lik lik kitchen peeling, chopping, cutting, and preparing everything.  Synchronization that those dolled up Olympic swimmers would be proud of....

We have so much food with tiny, little oven.  Must coerce neighbor into letting me borrow oven.  We send her side dishes to cook. 

All was going well until we realized that the oven was off... again.  Turn it back on.  The "love nest couple" goes to "certain person's" haus to gather some stuff that "certain person's special friend" left there.  Airport transfer is picking him up at 5 am... must get ready tonight. 

I go to baste the turkey.  Oven is off.  I text.  I get reply "hilarious".  Not.  I cranked that bitch up.  That crappy pilot light is not going to go out.... The neighbor is bringing side dishes... we may be having turkey for dessert.  Side dishes covered in foil.... we can hold them out just a bit longer. 



My turkey! Yeah!



Table set, drinks are made, everything's ready........ check the bird.... um, it looks done?  We go for it.... carve up some and stick it on a pan.... time to eat!  Just past 9 pm.  Eh, we all had a late lunch and several arvo beers to hold us over.  All good. 



Couscous stuffed pumpkin



So, my first turkey dinner.  I think it was a roaring success.  It was all tasty AND there was no food poisoning.  Excellent. 

What? Dessert you ask?  Of course!  We sucked Kahlua through Dark Chocolate Tim Tams.  Perfection....  Good friends, good food, good fun!

RWYA....Remember Where You Are

I'm going to start a new segment on this blog called "RWYA" as inspired from some other expat blogs.... Remember Where You Are....  (I have sooo many old blog posts now to recategorize!)  Anyway, here are a couple from just this week (and it's only Tuesday!)...

Been following up weekly on an outstanding claim with my insurance company.  Finally, I was told to come pick up my check. Yipee. Today is September 20th. The check is dated August 11th. I didn't even ask.... RWYA

Yes, it is a crime to bash your wife....RWYA

Honey has been out in all three grocery stores for MONTHS.  Food Mart officially got in a shipment.  It's a good thing honey doesn't expire....

and more...

and overflow on the top shelf on the bread aisle, too.. RWYA

Yes, totally needed this RWYA category for a long time!!!  REMEMBER WHERE YOU ARE!!!  Yep, PNG!

Independence Weekend

Exactly how did I celebrate PNG's 36th year of Independence?  I vomited.  Perhaps that's metaphorical as much as it was physical.  Yeah, I hurled chunks.  Happy anniversary, PNG.  I couldn't give you a better toast to your success as a country....

I started off my lovely day off with brunch at A & J's.  It tasted good going down, anyway... Apparently I got another freak virus.  Needless to say, I did not attend the Independence night festivities (Ella, please oh please invite me over again!!).  I did manage to crawl off the couch for the fireworks (I heart fireworks and couldn't miss them!).  I vomited the next morning as well, but then I was fine.  A perfect 24 hour funk.  At least it didn't spoil my whole holiday weekend.

I went to A&J's "go pinis" party, which was awesome.  I swear it's surreal to have such yummy food in the midst of Lae (seriously, who knew betelnut leaves were so tasty??? especially mixed with lobster!!).  The party was officially over when the alcohol ran out.  It had to happen eventually and, at the 7th hour, it did (nearly, might have been enough for one more round??  but we didn't want to all appear like the lushes we are, so we ended the party....).  I'm going to miss them (sniff, sniff). 

Caddy Rules a la Lae

  The email sent out to the Golf Club Members yesterday -

ATTENTION MEMBERS:

DUE TO THE CONTINUED ABUSE OF THE CADDY RULES BY CERTAIN MEMBERS AND IN AN EFFORT TO STOP THE INCREASE IN THE THEFT OF MEMBERS PERSONAL PROPERTY, THE COMMITTEE HAS FOUND IT NECESSARY TO APPLY THE FOLLOWING:-

ANY MEMBER FOUND TO BE ABUSING THE CADDY RULES WILL BE INELIGIBLE FOR THAT DAY’S COMPETITION.

THE RULES ARE IN PLACE FOR THE PROTECTION OF MEMBERS & THEIR PROPERTY & GOLF CLUB PROPERTY!

THE RULES ARE:-

• NO OUTSIDE CADDIES

• NO CADDIES TALLER THAN THE BAR

• CADDIES MUST BE HIRED FROM THE CADDY SHED

• CADDIES MUST WEAR CADDY BIB.


THIS IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF ALL PLAYING MEMBERS!

THE COMMITTEE…

Well, you know what happens when you make assumptions..... yeah, "the bar" does not refer to "the bar". (Although we're in Lae and, yes, that was the joke of the day.  Have we all become that cynical?!?!?  Um, yeah....)  Thankfully, a member sent out a clarifying email:

Pls see attached, the bar referred to is not the drinking bar, but a height bar fixed in the ground outside the caddy shack as a height restriction for caddies. The caddy masta carries a cane.

One question I have that lingers.... is the height bar taller or shorter than the drinking bar?

Street Justice

From uni email:

Frustrations of accumulated intimidations over a period could give an end result like this. 

This happened at Boroko today. This guy was caught red handed picking the wrong pocket.

Watch out for the full story in Newspapers tomorrow… Street Justice

10 Years

It is surreal to think that 9/11 was ten years ago.

It is still overwhelming.

Wishing peace and comfort to all.  

Customer Service FAIL

I'm used to bad customer service here in PNG.  (Uh, hello, customer service??? What's that?!?!?).  Like when I email the lady at the insurance company with a question and I get no response.  When I actually go into her office and ask if she got my email she says yes.  Great.  Did you see that little curly punctuation at the end of my sentence??  Yes, that one.  It's called a question mark.  It should be responded to with an answer.  Shocking concept, I know.

How about my credit card?  I HATE my Westpac American Express.* Wow, it has a 24 hour phone number to call!  Yes, well, that's great in case it gets stolen.  

I needed to make a US $3,000 purchase for work.  I wanted to do it over the weekend so I could download the product and get all the reimbursement forms together for Monday.  Anyway, I make the online purchase - or try.  I get an email that the credit card had been rejected, so, silly me, I call the number on the back of the PNG credit card.

My first call was in the morning and it rang and rang then got a Tok Pisin voice mail box.  I called back and it rang and rang and then was answered by a guy with a bunch of ruckus going on in the background.  "Can you hear me?"  I'm yelling.... He says he's not a work.  Yeah, I get that.  I loudly remind him that this is the 24 hour credit card hotline....  He tries to take down my information to call me back as he types my cell phone number in his phone while I get the beeping with each digit in my ear.  He says he'd call me back within the hour.  

Needless to say, I ended up calling back 6 hours after he was supposed to call me back.  Shocker.  He's still not at work.  He takes down my information again - telling someone else my information as I think he was driving.  Anyway, he does call me back.  Lovely.  He asks for my credit card number and puts me on hold.... for a long time.  And yet I don't hang up.  We then go back and forth on my issue. "2,000 kina?"  "No, US $3,000.  Why didn't it go through?"  "Do you have enough available credit?" "Yes, I do not owe any money on the card.  Can't you see my account?"  "Hold on...."

Anyway, after going around and around, apparently he said that their was something wrong with the expiration date?  Um, January 2014?  Okay.... whatever.  I'll try to do it again today.  However, in the meantime, I really hope my card doesn't ever get stolen as I do not think the 24 hour service would be able to cancel it.  FAIL.

*Westpac PNG sucks.  No Visa card, only American Express.  Fine, I'll take it.  On my last trip to Australia, I go into a store that did not take AmEx.  I needed to get a cash advance to go back and pay for this stuff and then just pay it off when I got back to PNG the next day..... I go to ATM, put in my pin, nothing.  After I'm getting people in PNG to call Westpac on my behalf....they state they set up my account wrong and it would be fixed in 24 hours.... by the time I would be back in PNG.  Another FAIL.  Oh, another story?  I bought some stuff in the US in April.  Paid off my bill.  In August, I get a "credit adjustment" for something I bought in April?  I inquire....they're clueless.  I look at all my receipts.  I figure it out.  Dicks Sporting Goods.  I pay it.  I get the next bill and they charged me interest since April.  Then a late fee for not paying my interest.  FAIL.  I have so many FAIL stories... especially because you just can't get customer service to fix it.  I figured out that when I ever go-finish, I'm going to calculate stupid late charges and interest shit that they shouldn't have charged and leave it as a balance on my account.  I'll send my statements with a letter and tell them to f*ck off.  In the meantime, my K20 this and that is still cheaper then trying to wire money to a US credit card for payment.  But still... GRRRR.  

A Cure! A Cure!

There are copies of this "article" posted all over town... Woman Cured of AIDS!  Apparently Mrs. Kevins has been "living with AIDS" for 8 years and was on "ARV drug for the last two years after being diagnosed in Mt. Hagen General Hospital".  [Um, 8 years, diagnosed two?  Yeah... keep reading]...

"But she quit treatment after taking advice from the Revival Centers of PNG that when a layman had prayed over here, she would be healed if she had faith, Mrs. Kevin said."  So... she has healer, Mr. Lency Lapu, come and "administer the herbal treatment".  She has miraculously recovered....  "[The healer] had administered treatment for more than 50 AIDS patients and their cure had been confirmed by second medical checks by hospitals who verified them negative."

"Mr. Lapu said he believes PNG has the answer to this dreadful disease and this would make PNG a center of human mining in the world. He said the onus is with the Department of Health and Nationals AIDS Council to collaborate with the herbal healers and recommend the herbs with pharmacists overseas to make these medicines a reality."

Wow.  Sometimes I'm just speechless.  But, be sure to check your local pharmacy for some AIDS healin' soon......

Missing Bullets, Lae Roads, and SP Ball

This is just a typical Lae story....

Thursday the Lae Chamber of Commerce sent the following email:

Dear Members

Traffic congestion will ease around Lae soon as more roads will be opened up.

1. Milfordhaven Road – the Contractors FTM have opened the new stretch from the Scout Hall to the Markham Road roundabout, for use of one way traffic at peak hours.

2. Highlands Highway – the contractors R & Sons have finally agreed to open up a side road to one way traffic at Bugandi, to relieve the congestion. The cement work has now finished on the road and remains closed only to allow for curing.

3. Coronation Drive – Shorncliffe have completed all of Coronation Drive and the opening of the whole road is only waiting for the curing period. In the meantime the road will be open to one way traffic going down the hill.

These measures will certainly help the current traffic problems. (Seriously, it is nearly impossible to drive around town.... our roads are F*CKED UP! And those that aren't closed have potholes that will consume a mid size truck.... But keep reading.... just kept the whole email for your amusement...)

CRIME

UMW report a vehicle was involved in an attempted holdup at Two mile this morning, no people were hurt but six bullets were shot through the vehicle passenger door. The gun jammed so the criminals ran off. Please be careful when driving in Lae, particularly in the miles area, when vehicles are slowed because of the roads works.

Anyway, Friday night was the SP Festival/Ball.*  While a bunch of us were standing around yapping, someone starts talking about a guy who had his wallet and gun stolen from his kitchen overnight Tuesday? Wednesday?  Blah, blah, blah, offered K6,000 reward (as you do...) and got his stuff returned Saturday....wallet sans the cash, but credit cards intact, gun jammed, six bullets gone.  So, um, we're like, didja get the LCC email?  I'm pretty sure forensic testing isn't needed for that one! Yeah, Lae is that small of a town!

*SP Festival/Ball... hmmm, well, it was entertaining.  There were some crazy concotion of appetizers with bad vegetables and mystery meat on a stick.  (Followed by yummy "meat sacks" that looked like, well, small testicles, but they were tasty. Okay, it was nearly 8pm at this point and I was starving, so "tasty" is a relative term.)  Cucumber water?  I'm not sure, but one sip was enough.  There was some faux Fijian dancers, several of whom were less than enthused about being there (with the exception of one guy who was over the top in an odd way).  There was some interesting displays of musical "talents".  There was a guy who vomited while he was trying to make the restroom... he was a very far way off.  I think it turned into slip-n-slide before someone finally was able to mop it up.  There was a drunk woman who just laid down on her table to "rest" while no one else at the table seem to mind notice.  There was one guy in a tuxedo shirt and bow tie.  And another in a tuxedo graphic t-shirt.  They both equally looked in place on the dance floor in Lae.  The food was in the normal range of bad, although, I actually liked the "ceasar salad" with corn.  One of the MSF girls had a violent allergic reaction and quickly left after vomiting and swelling up with hives. (FYI, she found EpiPens at the chemist for just over K600, which she now carries with her.)  Yes, just another festive Saturday night in Lae... Me? 3 handles. 1 glass of wine. 1 bad meal. A few crazy dances and a full night of people-watching... well worth the K100 price tag!

Tick, Tick, Tick, BOOM!

I was forwarded an email that came from the Lae Chamber of Commerce (tick, tick, tick), and then it even showed up in our uni email (tick, tick, tick)!  Lovely... an unexploded bomb!  This is actually not so uncommon here.  There's a house in town that has a one with flowers surrounding it.  Yes, ornamental lawn decorations in Lae! 

Anyway, here's the email....   

Dear Members

There are rumours circulating about an unexploded bomb that has been located on the Airstrip. 

The Divisional Police Commander Mr. Labi has confirmed that an old wartime bomb was discovered on the old Lae Airstrip yesterday. He said that 2 bomb disposal experts from the Defense Force flew from Port Moresby to Lae yesterday, and have identified a 500 lb wartime bomb. They have assessed that the best method of disposal is by dumping at sea, and are currently arranging a boat and packing material so that this exercise can be carried out.

It may be necessary for roads to be closed and nearby businesses houses to be evacuated when the removal exercise is being carried out. Mr. Labi said he will keep this office advised of any precautionary requirements that may be necessary well in advance of the operation.

BOOM! 

Would You Like A Banana?

How many bananas would you like?  Wanpla, tupla, tripla, or an whole pmv full?  Hard to see, but the PMV was chock-a-block (I'm starting to get frightened by the amount of Aussie speak I use daily....).